rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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