I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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