to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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