remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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