There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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