I'm so fucking centered right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
