As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
