Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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