Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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