Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
