Rock
Scissors
Fuck
another moral hangover. fuck.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
