i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In other news, I just burned my penis
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
