and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
