i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
