I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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