a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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