Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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