I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
