well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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