Whod you bang
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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