respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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