Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
