apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
