hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
