ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
