maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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