Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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