i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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