The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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