And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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