is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
