remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
