someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
