as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
