so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
