Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize