We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
