i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
