I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
