Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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