the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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