Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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