Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
