so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
