I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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