i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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