dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
