i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
