I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
