1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
