You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
