you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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