I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
